Of all the films we’re most nostalgic for from the 80s, is there a single one more beloved than The Goonies? What is more exciting than a coming of age tale including a lost pirate ship, a criminal family with blenders in their arsenal and a bunch of the coolest little misfits this side of Astoria?
While not every Goonies moment has aged well, most of the film remains quite enjoyable, including its many quotable moments. The Goonies is a movie Millennials quote word for word for good reason: Mouth, Mikey, Data, Chunk and the gang deliver some of the best lines in the history of film.
Updated On May 10, 2020 By Amanda Bruce: Considering that the entire movie is just so quotable, it seems a shame to stop with just 10 quotes. We’ve updated this article since its original publishing to reflect even more of the best lines from the movie. With heartfelt speeches and plenty of sarcasm, the Goonies are still the kinds of teens we love to quote.
“…These Are The Rejects.”
When Mikey and his friends head up to the attic, it’s full of paintings and pieces of local history. According to Mikey, everything his friends find fascinating in his family’s attic are the “rejects” from a museum exhibit his father curated.
Chunk notes that the rejects are just like them. While it’s clear that the Goonies aren’t exactly the most popular kids in town, that’s the first time the movie puts them in that role. What’s great is that the kids recognize that being “the rejects” can still make them pretty cool since they already find all of the museum pieces fascinating. Even Brand flips through a book and doesn’t want to put it down.
“Where Are You? You’re In The Clouds, And We Are In A Basement!”
Stef has a lot of great lines in the movie, but she tends to be overshadowed by all of the teen boys. She doesn’t want to be stuck on this adventure, but she’s there for her best friend, even when she tries to be the voice of reason.
While Andy is busy mooning over Brand, Stef is more worried about their current situation. Stef is definitely the voice of the audience in that moment, wanting to get out of a restaurant where possible criminals could return at any time.
“If I Found One-Eyed Willy’s Rich Stuff, I’d Pay All My Dad’s Bills, So Maybe, He Could Get To Sleep At Night…”
When Mikey first finds the map, he and his friends fantasize about just what they would do with the money. While most kids would have dreamed of fancy clothes or cars, Mikey has a more practical fantasy.
He just wants his dad to stop worrying about money. Though the movie is one fast-paced adventure, and is a whole lot of fun, it kicks off because the Goonies live in a neighborhood that is being bought out to make room for a development for the local country club. Luckily, Mikey gets his wish.
“It’s Our Time Down Here.”
At the bottom of the wishing well, the most iconic sequence in the movie takes place. Though Brand, Stef, and Andie aren’t technically Goonies but older kids swept up in the adventure, it’s in the wishing well that they truly become part of the group.
Everyone else wants to get out and take the bucket up to the surface, but Mikey reminds them all that this might be their last chance for a day like this. How often do kids get to search for a legendary pirate treasure in their hometown? Mikey knows that their parents have to live in the real world, but for one day, they can have the most epic of adventures.
“I Feel Like I’m Baby-Sitting Except I’m Not Getting Paid.”
Stef is practical. She gets scared of a fish head on a rake, but she knows that climbing through caverns below sketchy restaurants is dangerous. Stef can also see that the combined energy of Mouth, Mikey, and Data is the kind that can lead to even more danger.
She’s constantly the one reminding everyone else of the danger they’re in, of the moments where maybe they should make a different decision. It’s no wonder she feels like she’s baby-sitting instead of having fun.
“Hey You Guys!”
It’s the most iconic phrase from any movie, let alone The Goonies alone. Sloth’s joyful exclamation isn’t only an echo of Chunk’s, enabling him to fit in and become one of the Goonies, but an expression of his pleasure at becoming a member of the human race, period. Sloth has been locked away from the world, possibly for most of his life, when he is the kindest, most loving member of the family and truly deserving of a good family who might love him, as Chunk’s family will.
“Hey you guys!” is a line that most people know even if they don’t know any other quotes from the movie, and if you say it in a mirror three times in the dark… someone down the hall is bound to call it back to you.
“I’m Gonna Hit You So Hard!”
It’s still jarring for many of us to come to terms with the fact that brawny Brand Walsh has grown up to become both Cable and Thanos, but back when he was Mikey’s big brother, he was usually a pretty great sibling, save for the time he made a menacing yet comedic threat: “I’m going to hit you so hard that when you wake up, your clothes will be out of style!”
The film has a few lines written like this, giving the kids a cleverness that works well with their ages. In the 90s we saw a surge of TV shows and movies featuring teens with repartee that felt too over-the-top, but Goonies’ wit feels real.
“Goonies Never Say Die”
When Mikey reminds Andy that “Goonies never say die,” Andy protests that she’s not a Goonie… before sending her jacket up Troy’s bucket and effectively becoming one right then and there. Baby Samwise Gamgee is a compelling speaker who leads his motley crew of Goonies pretty well for a kid, and when he tells her that there time is over the moment she chooses Troy’s bucket over the rest of their adventure, it’s a turning point not just for her but the whole group.
They all decide to stay. They all decide to pursue the rich stuff, even at great personal risk, because they already risk losing everything if they don’t and it’s their only shot.
“I Never Felt So Bad In My Entire Life”
The Fratellis horrified us as children, particularly when Mama Fratelli threatened to serve the boys their own tongues or to blend Chunk right in the blender. These may have seemed like empty threats, but given how she didn’t hesitate to take out the feds, they probably were legit dangers for the boys. That’s why we don’t blame Chunk for spilling his guts when he was asked to confess.
And confess he did! Chunk’s litany of sins, from cheating on his fourth grade history test to pigging out at “fat kid camp,” STILL has us in stitches. The best part? The time he made fake puke. “I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life!”
“You Wouldn’t Be Here If It Wasn’t”
Mouth is known for living up to his nickname, and some of Clark’s lewd humor even withstands the test of time. Take the time Chunk broke Mrs. Walsh’s statue of Michelangelo’s David and Mikey gasped, “Oh, my GOD! That’s my mom’s most favorite piece!” Mouth smirks, “You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t!”
Mouth makes a joke about Brand having to kiss both Andy and her mom on a date and, later, cuts a hole in a painting to stick his tongue through it. Most of his jokes are outrageous but still not as offensive as they could be, or even would be from a similar role in a different film.
“Michael Jackson Didn’t Come Over To My House To Use The Bathroom”
Chunk is best known for his appetite and wardrobe, but the kid tells the most amazing stories, which is completely underappreciated by his friends. In another coming of age film, Stand by Me, Gordie’s storytelling abilities are beloved by his buddies, who wish they had the same talent, but Chunk didn’t luck out with his friends. Still, his stories, from the long list of the worst things he’s ever done to the time gremlins were invading, are usually hilarious.
One of his best stories is summed up as such: “Michael Jackson didn’t come over to my house to use the bathroom… but his sister did!”
“I Love The Dark But I Hate Nature!”
When Chunk tries to psych himself up to run through the dark and save his friends from the Fratellis, it’s adorable listening to him talk out loud: “I’m not all alone in the dark. I love the dark. I love the dark. But I hate nature! I HATE nature!” Most of us could relate as, at a similar age, we all talked to ourselves to attempt to feel less scared or alone, or even had rules, like having our toes tucked under the blanket to prevent anything from the dark from getting us.
Chunk ultimately can’t trick himself as he’s grossed out by the nature he has to touch and gets caught by the Fratellis anyway.
“I Was Just Trying To Dictate Myself”
A running joke among the Goonies is how the kids often mispronounce words, which is not only funny, but adorable. The first one we hear is when Mikey is trying to delude himself into thinking he can’t wait to leave his neighborhood. When his big brother asks if he’s for real, Mikey replies, “Nah, I was just trying to delate myself. No, no… You know. Um, uh. Dict, dictate myself.” Brand pauses while working out to correct, “That’s delude yourself, dummy.” Mikey agrees, “That’s what I said!”
Another great line has Data mispronouncing booby traps as “booty traps.” Mikey also pronounces “curator” as “the new assistant curly, or kerney,” and even Mrs. Walsh says “Hare Krishna” instead of “Hara-Kiri.”
“The Stupid Guys Tell Me To Use The Stairs!”
Data may be the most brilliant of The Goonies, but he’s also unfortunately often the one to suffer the most mishaps, particularly when it comes to one of his cool inventions failing him. At one point, he also falls through some stairs and has a bit of a breakdown, referring to himself in the third person and it’s adorable:
“Data’s okay! Data’s quite tired of falling and Data’s tired of skeletons! The stupid guys tell me to use the stairs when Data’s falling!” When Brandon asks why he didn’t use the stairs, Data responds, “Use the stairs! Stairs! The stupid guys tell me to use the stairs when Data’s falling. If Data’s hurt, nobody cares anymore.” Mikey says, “Data’s fine!” so nonchalantly and Data goes on, “Then some guy tells me I have stupid inventions. I’ve been spending months and months studying on them and inventing them. God!”
“Jerk Alert!”
From Mouth’s outrageous translation of Mrs. Walsh’s English to Spanish for the new housekeeper, Rosalita, to his order of veal scallopini from Mama Fratelli, then to his attempt to use his mouth to smuggle out rich stuff, Corey Feldman’s character is the most wise-cracking Goonie ever. Even when he’s flirting with Stef, he says she’s pretty when her “face isn’t screwing it up.”
Mouth’s trademark phrase, “Jerk alert!” became a favorite phrase among fans, especially when he modified it for adults with “Senior jerk alert!”
